Author: Belinda George

Belinda is an English writer and student journalist and is currently studying a degree in Geography. She enjoys covering environmental topics and and is now publishing her undergraduate learnings to inspire others. However her specialism is comedy and satire. Alongside her degree, she currently holds the position of editor of her university paper and is also completing a personal research project on endophyte toxicity in grasslands which she hopes to publish in the near future.

Aviation: When Globalisation Reached New Heights

Travel is not new. People have always travelled, and although the term ‘globalisation’ has been coined as a somewhat new-age 1980s buzzword, the concept has been traced back as far as the early expansion of Islam in 622 AD.

Just a hundred years ago, people were astonished at the mere thought of ‘going by air’. But sure enough, the Wright brothers roared ahead and proved it was possible with their first flight in 1903- which lasted 12 seconds and covered 120 feet. Less than half a century later, air technology had ascended so rapidly the sound barrier was broken in 1947, and by the time the Beatles hit the scene in 1962 jumbo passenger jets were already in production.

The climb to the forefront began in 1945 when many ex-military carriers were converted for commercial use. Post-war development of airlines revolutionised the movement of people and cargo worldwide, and it was at this point that globalisation began lift off.

Global travel was on the rise. Holidaying abroad became not just a luxury of the very rich or those with friends in high places- Ordinary people could now see the world and it opened up a whole new opportunity for commerce.

At this point, trade was seriously looking up. Aviation was like gold dust for business- suddenly, ease of transportation of goods and peoples meant that outsourcing was fully possible to even the smaller businessman. The rise of transnational corporations (TNCs) came about with the rise of air transport: one could headquarter and manufacture in any nation; saving costs on labour, taxes and production whilst avoiding a host of laws and trade restrictions.

Over the years, the aviation industry has had to clear many mountains, and has been shaped by the combined forces of sovereignty, nationalism and protectionism.  Most countries established their own airlines, which have been protected from foreign competition by policies such as stability of supply and subsidies.

The industry itself possesses a rather sad irony- instigating globalisation which empowered many million corporate giants, the aviation industry, burdened by a history of regulation and government involvement is itself far from globalised.

Privatisation played a huge part in the shaping of the aviation industry in the 1980s; we now see higher consolidation between airlines in the form of mergers, and vertical alignment of smaller companies with leading companies, which creates few, powerful airlines that dominate the market.

Hard to believe, but 70% of all new airline companies never take off.  There were 146 new market entrants between 1979 and 1993 and out of those, 122 failed. Examples of low cost airlines that went bankrupt between 2003 and 2005 include companies such as Go Fly, Buzz Away and Dream Air; although judging by the names it’s not surprising. Perhaps ‘Dream On’ would have been more appropriate.

Boeing to the high costs involved, the success of most Airlines is through Global Alliances. This benefits both parties- Star Alliance was formed in 1997, where six major carriers joined forces to offer a common brand.

Getting an airline up and running is a bit of a long haul. Small airlines that fail to be taken under the wing of major companies are often the targets of rogue market competitiveness, where larger airlines drop their prices to undercut smaller market sharers and nip them in the bud before they grow.

Even for the big boys times have been tough. Even if you’re a market leader, owning an airline company isn’t a smooth ride. Global events have played a huge part in the loss of profits for airline companies. Aviation took a nose dive and worldwide bookings plummeted after the 2001 9/11 terrorist attacks and during the 2008 recession. More recently, the share price of Malaysia Airways crashed in 2014 after two major incidents that sparked global concern.

And they’re not the only ones. Business at British Airways has been turbulent since the takeover by budget airlines and foreign new-leaders such as Emirates. Sadly for BA, they never soar it coming.

Reshaping constantly is a key component for staying at the top of your game. Companies such as British Airways strive constantly to implement ways to regain their place at the top, but are constantly criticised for high prices, lack of terminals and shoddy service. On the other hand, companies such as Ryan Air have built a very successful business on bad publicity.

Now, one of the biggest challenges the industry faces is the rise of oil prices. Aviation is a costly business. Airlines spent $140 billion on fuel in 2010 and oil accounts for a third of operating costs. An oil prise rise of just $1 per barrel adds $1.6 billion to airline’s expenditures. Despite their huge success within the marketplace, at times airlines have become so strapped for cash it’s a wonder they don’t charge extra for emotional baggage.

It is no surprise that companies are desperate for developments of more fuel efficient aeroplanes. The next major step is to increase carbon efficiency and to begin to develop ‘greener’ technology in preparation for the future. Peak oil reserves have already been met and demands for more eco-friendly operations are rising.  Though air travel is only set to grow in future, the industry has committed to reduce its net carbon footprint to 50% what it was in 2005 by 2050.

Despite all the challenges that airlines face, passenger airline use is projected to increase three and a half times by 2030 and the world fleet is expected to double by 2032. And the reason for this is plane and simple. Globalisation and aviation feed one another.  In an ever globalising world, business for airlines can only grow higher. Now try and find another industry like that.

Travel and Tourism: a Socio-Cultural Nightmare?

Since the 1970s and 1980s, the possibilities for the common man to travel almost anywhere in the world have only heightened. Globalisation is the increasing interconnectedness of economies and societies through increasing ease of communication, transport and trade (AQA 2011); has given rise to a boom in worldwide tourism development.

Tourism can be described as a trip, or holiday, away from one’s usual place of residence, involving at least one overnight stay. (Mayhew 2009). These trips and holiday, indulged by mainly citizens of the Global North, have been the drivers for a number of developments that have had far-reaching socio-cultural impacts.

Urry (1990) states that the ‘cultural aspect of a destination is key to the tourism experience’. This means that tourism companies, driven by economic gain, will either alter or commodify culture of a destination- which has some positive, but many negative effects on the destination community.

The first example of this can be seen within the Caribbean. An area which used to consist of sustainable communities of farmers, and ‘sun sea and sand’ in the early days of tourism, has now become the place to go for ‘sun sex and casinos’ (Garcia and Clegg 2009). Existing communities are either drawn into the ‘dark side’ of this industry, or marginalised. Women become sex workers, (although many of these are migrants) although many of them are happy to embrace this new cultural phenomenon because it gains them access to some of the wealth that they are now being constantly exposed to (Garcia and Clegg 2009).

Cruise industries that operate within the Caribbean marginalise local communities in many ways. Not only is there an apparent ‘skin colour hierarchy’ on board (Wood 2000) but the companies, such as Royal Caribbean Cruises actually own Caribbean land and islands and allow native communities no access to allow their guests to enjoy ‘the true Caribbean experience, free from clutter’ (Royal Caribbean 2011).

The second example involves the ‘commodification of culture’. As Cole (2007) states, ‘much literature points to the fact that Tourism causes culture to become a commodity’.

Examples of this can be seen even in the most remote places of the globe, driven by tourists demand for the more ‘authentic’ experience. Sadly, more and more remote places are now being exploited by tourism companies due to the tourist’s demands to see the ‘Other’. As Cole (2007) also states, ‘once a place loses its distinctiveness and its authenticity, it loses its appeal and value’.

Ngadha is a small village in the Indonesian country of Flores, and poses an interesting example of the socio-cultural impacts of tourism development. Studies show that culture is not always altered by tourists, and rather, commodification of culture can sometimes have positive effects of the destination communities.

The people of Ngadha express a feeling of pride and empowerment when sharing their cultural rituals with tourists. (Cole 2007). Their ethic is ‘the more the merrier’ (Cole 2007). However these people have not been vastly manipulated by tourists. They will allow tourists to join their rituals, but refuse to put on rituals especially for the tourists’ benefit as this is ‘fake’ and would ‘anger the ancestors’ (Cole 2007).

This is not the case for many parts of the world however. In areas of Spain, festivals are ‘staged’ for the tourist benefit. Much of Spain’s original culture has been lost due to mass tourism (Cohen 2001).

The socio-cultural benefits to the people of Ngadha, however are not completely typical to the entire of Flores. Although positive benefits come with the influx of Tourism industry such as infrastructure and electricity, this is not always favoured by the tourists. They described the electricity poles, a clear indication of modernisation as ‘unsightly’ and ‘ruining their photographs’ (Cole 2007). Unfortunately the state side with tourists and many areas of Flores are denied modernisation to retain their backward and primitive ‘charm’.

Tourism development can have varying effects depending also on level of community participation. Two examples include Tamarindo, in Costa Rica, and Samoa. Tamarindo in Costa Rica has been subject to vast levels of Tourism development and influx of multi-national companies. Landowners have sold their property to developers and are now effectively slaves, employed by these companies as a means to survive. Refusing to sell brings one no favours either; a family in Tamarindo decided not to sell their house, and are now surrounded by high rise hotel complexes. Their view and community and thus quality of life has been destroyed (Cole 2014).

In contrast to this, Samoa paints a different picture. Here, low maintenance Fales are owned and run by locals, and this increases wealth, pride and community adherence (Tuson 1999). This situation isn’t without pitfalls however. Water is a rare commodity in simplistic local tourism developments, and severe water shortages are likely by 2025 in many areas (Cole 2012). Tourists use three times the water as locals (Garcia and Clegg 2009) and this shortage is in some areas already causing conflict in some countries within communities.

Socio-cultural implications come in many forms. Quality of life is often reduced by commodification of culture, and social impacts come in the form of lack of dignity and pride, as well as marginalisation.

Cohen (2001) states that ‘although we saw the demise of colonial style human zoos in the 1940s, the phenomenon is still apparent in the context of modern ‘ethnic tourism’ (Cohen 2001). An example of this is Kenyan tribes. A study revealed that women removed their neck rings because they didn’t want their community to become a ‘human zoo’ (Trupp 2011). They began to adopt a more Western culture and dress sense, so effectively their culture is lost. Although this is not always a negative implication for the communities involved, the Kenyan tribes were forced to ‘reinvent’ their culture and put back on the neck rings for economic reasons (Trupp 2011). This is an example of the implication for societies when their culture becomes ‘Museumized’. (MacConnell 1976).

The other end of the spectrum is when communities are simply marginalised, penalised or ‘pushed out’ for tourism development, and this is seen in much more ‘far-flung’ places than the Caribbean which has been ‘Globalised’ for many years.

The Maasi tribes have been removed from areas of land and are no longer allowed to hunt or remove wildlife (which damage livestock, crops and housing) because these wildlife species have a commercial value for tourism companies. (…. 2010). This is an example of how tourism can seriously damage even the very last of the globes native population livelihoods’.

Despite this, there are many benefits of tourism development. Schyven and Russel (2011) describe the native Fijians as having benefited as a community from lease payments and multi-national corporations. These funds enter a pot which is used for community projects- enhancing income stability and community adhesion.

Tourism development has many socio-cultural impacts, both positive and negative, that is driven by tourist demand. It depends on the level of such demand whether a place is changed significantly, such as in the Caribbean, or ‘museumized’ such as in Kenya. What is particularly notable however is than more and more remote places in the globe are now subject to socio-cultural impacts of tourism development.

The Theory of Plate Tectonics

Once, they thought the Earth was flat, and now they know how mountains move.

The term ‘plate tectonics’ describes the process whereby lithospheric plates move laterally on the asthenosphere (Skinner and Porter 2000). Basically, chunks of the Earth’s crust move about- constantly.

The Earth’s crust is divided into 6 large plates and many smaller plates; the edges of these plates are called ‘faults’ or ‘plate boundaries’. Convection currents in the mantle, caused by heat within the Earth drives movement of these pates. Although the Earth’s plates move very slowly (centimetres per year) the theory can be used to explain many of the large scale features of the planet.

For many years, scientists have been trying to explain features such as valleys, mountains and most notably, the position of the continents. In the mid-1500s, Flemish cartographer, Abraham Ortelius first proposed the theory that the continents had somehow been ‘torn away’ from one another. Other scientists noted this phenomenon. In 1795, James Hutton, commonly named ‘The Father of Geology’, began to explore the formation of rock and proposed that the Earth was a molten ball. Unbeknown to him, and other scientists at the time, the idea was in fact a key element to explaining movement of the continents.

In 1912, German scientist Alfred Wegner proposed his theory of Continental Drift. In is arguable that Wegner was most forceful to propose his theory at the time. Wegener drew upon a number of evidences in order to support his claim. Firstly, he too noted the shape of the continents, that they appear as though they have been torn apart and could fit back together like a jigsaw. To support this, Wegner drew upon other solid evidence- the geology of the rocks (identical in South America and Africa); fossilised plants and animals (Mesosaurus discovered in South America and Africa, and Trilobites in North America and Europe); and last, but most compelling, ‘wrong latitude evidence’. If continents had not moved, how could there be evidence of an ancient ice sheet in Africa and coal reserves in Britain? However, Wegner’s theory was discredited: scientists could come up with no plausible mechanism for how continents could have drifted across the sea floor.

Henry Hess was a Scottish geologist who first proposed the idea that the Earth was a molten ball, and that new crust is created from inside. He got his ideas from a glass factory, when he observed that glass of the same chemical composition formed a completely different structure when subjected to different temperatures and different rates of cooling. He proposed his ideas to the national geologic survey who laughed at him. He tried convincing them by showing them areas of rock which had melted into one- but could not prove it.

British Geologist Arthur Holmes was arguably the first man to piece all evidence together and propose the theory that large slabs of crust move across the Earth’s surface due to convection on the mantle, and published his findings in his 1944 book ‘The Principles of Physical Geology’. However at the time it was very much a hypothesis. It is said that David Attenborough once asked his professor if they were going to cover the part of plate tectonics. His teacher replied, ‘When it is true, we will cover it’.

In the 1950s ‘Apparent polar wandering’ led scientists to reluctantly admit that plates had moved (Skinner and Porter 2000) When molten rock cools, magnetic minerals within the rock align themselves with the Earth’s magnetic polarity. As the magnetic field could not be different in the same part of the world, scientists had to conclude, that somehow, movement of crust had taken place.

Soon after, while mapping the ocean floor, Harry Hess and scientists discovered something conclusive: the Mid Atlantic Ridge. Upon investigation they realised that new rock was being released from this ridge, and becomes progressively older the further away from the ridge. They also noticed polarity stripes were apparent on the rock as new crust had formed over many millions of years, each time the magnetic minerals aligning themselves with the current, normal or reversed polarity of the Earth.

The spreading centre that Hess and his colleagues discovered is one of three main plate boundaries named today: a Divergent Boundary. This is where convection currents I the mantle move plates apart creating new crust at the spreading centre.

Scientists now understand that convergent boundaries exist, which off-set the spreading. There are two types of convergent boundary: continental-oceanic and continental-continental. At continental-oceanic boundaries, subduction zones exist where crust sinks into the mantle as plates collide. The second type are called collision zones. This tectonic uplift explains continental mountain chains, and many feature of the Earth’s topography such as the Himalayas.

The final movement is where two plates move parallel to one another. These are called transform boundaries, or ‘conservative’ boundaries, and no creation or loss of crust occurs. The San Andreas fault in California is a famous Transform Boundary.

Plates, on average move 7 centimetres per year. This can be measured using satellites and hot spots. Hot spots are areas of the Earth’s mantle which possess long lived volcanism. Because these points are fixed, ‘chains’ of volcanos can be observed on land as plates move.

Convection in the mantle caused by heat from radiation is so far the only explanation of how Earth’s plates move. It is now accepted today that in fact continents don’t move- but entire plates of continental and oceanic crust. The one question scientists still face is: what exactly drives the movement direction? Currents theories include ridge push, slab pull, and gravity slide; or a combination of all three. Scientists have come a long way in exploring the Earth’s bimodal topography through plate tectonics however there is still more to be understood. The possibility remains that they are wrong about all of it.

June 20th 2012

We get our stock from in store donations, van door-to-door bag drops and excess stock from other stores in the West Country. The only problem with this is that some of the stock gets lost in transit. I know this because of the amount of single shoes that materialise from the bags. At first, I assumed that the shoes had been donated singularly, perhaps from a person with one leg, but now that shoes without partners are such a regular occurrence, I have decided that there is either a shoe monster lurking in the bag pens or there must be another store somewhere in the West Country with the other shoe; and someone there trying it on thinking, ‘dammit’, just like me. We had a total of three spare shoes today. I am thinking of suggesting a mating service upon our bulletin board. Perhaps we could have a list, starting with Barnstaple: Size 4 Green Stiletto, etc., and ending in Wellington, size 6 black court, and so on and so forth. I loved the brand-new single shoe I found today so much, and it was such a perfect fit that the thought of having one did cross my mind, only briefly, as I tried to think of ways of getting around the problem. I considered hopping, and wearing odd ones, or cutting one leg off before eventually coming to my senses. I am thinking about putting it out for sale, as it is brand new, and if a customer asks where the other one is I will inform them that there isn’t another one, keeping an entirely straight face.

February 09th 2010

I can tell that my customers have ever only been shoppers. The nice ones make comments when you are trying to close such as, ‘Ooh I’ll let you get closed dear, I bet you’re wanting to get home’. One day I will have to ask them whether or not they think that new tills can actually cash themselves up. I may tell them, ‘Yes, I am, we have special carpets in here which magically absorb the dirt that you mucky lot have trodden into it and then turn it into air freshener’. The nasty ones huff because they expect you to stand there all evening and then make dinner for them. They make sarcastic comments when you turn the lights down and start to rattle your keys. ‘Excuse me! I think your lights have gone in here..!’

Once I remember turning all the lights and music off, and displaying a large sign on the door, stating: ‘CLOSED FOR LUNCH 12.30-1.00’. I had managed to remove everybody from the shop and only left the door unlocked so that Gloria could get back in after popping to the bakery. I nipped to the toilet, and came back to find the shop completely full of people, shopping in near total darkness. I overheard a couple of them commenting, ‘bit dark in here in’it Wend…’

I have even made a special sign for the door for the end of day closing. Locking the doors and turning out the lights simply isn’t effective enough. People just knock. I suppose this supports the theory that we stock the shelves over night. I wonder how many people just stand there bashing on the door long after we’ve gone home, assuming that if they shout for long enough someone will eventually appear from the backroom carrying an oil lamp. The sign for this purpose states; ‘WE ARE CLOSED. IF YOU COME IN NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO STAY ALL NIGHT’.

I am nearly out of reasonable ideas to ensure the shop appears closed, short from boarding up the windows and chaining the door shut.

It appears to be a charity shop thing, so if you have not yet worked in retail and feel that now you do not want to, do not be put off. I have never encountered any of this type of behaviour in any other retail outlet. I suppose it all comes down to those dirt gobbling self cleaning carpets that we have. If one does not get in quick, the stock may have completely disappeared by morning.

May 15th 2011

I have tried my hand at the old wheeling and dealing, and market stalling. At least, my wheeling and dealing involved wheeling, not so much dealing, and I made it to my first car boot sale just the other day. This was okay, as I had gathered up rubbish for years. As some say ‘speculate to accumulate’, my motto is ‘accumulate to procrastinate’. I had decided it was time it just went, but it was such good fun that I may have to gather a limitless supply of the junk. I think this is what lots of people do. They probably end up out of pocket.

Not I however. I have discovered the true way to make money. A while back I went to Instow beach (this was once a desirable holiday destination in the 1920s but because where we live one has the choice of about five of the most beautiful beaches in the country, Instow is rather regarded as the dump). While I was there, I gathered drift wood. For no particular reason, just my natural stowing instinct I suppose. When I returned home, I tipped out my findings to realise I had absolutely no use for them whatsoever. I suggested to my mother that we could sell ‘em on’ car boot sale to gullible grockles (that’s Devon for holiday makers) displaying a large sign stating: ‘REAL DEVON DRIFTWOOD – £1 A STICK’.

I chuckled to myself wildly as I envisaged myself pointing out the wonderful pattern on one particular piece, and saying to the tourist, ‘Yes, it’s wonderful isn’t it,’ then under my breath,’ probably sewage..’ followed by, ‘okay, you’ll have that one? That’s £1 then please.’

I chuckled to myself even more wildly when somebody actually bought it on Sunday. I had made a bracelet holder out of two of the pieces, in an attempt to make some use of it. It was a pretty shoddy attempt, and was leaning horribly to one side while laden with jewellery on my stall. I was just trying to stop it from self destructing altogether when one lady asked me, ‘How much do you want for the stand?’ I looked up in utter disbelief and answered, ‘You actually want to buy it?’

‘Yes, how much is it?’ she replied.

I said, ‘Well, I dunno, 20p?’ as I even explained to her that it was ‘probably rotten’.

She gave me 50p in the end, as I bundled the whole thing into her bag, in pieces, just simply a pile of pieces, of real Devon driftwood.

I am still trying to imagine what she has actually done with it. I’m on for next week. I feel like Africa when they realised they had diamonds. I’m sitting on a fortune.

September 24th 2010

Now I’m going to touch upon health and safety. This relatively new phenomenon has provided approximately 40,000 new jobs across the UK. Whether these people do actually believe that you are at risk from climbing onto a 9 inch footstall or whether they are just doing it for the money I suppose we will never know.

At work, we have a ‘health and safety’ file. We have a health and safety poster, which must bear the signature of everyone who steps into the dangers of ‘the backroom’. We have health and safety meetings, health and safety briefings, monthly health and safety leaflets (this is when they have discovered something new and dangerous every month which was not previously recorded in the 7 inch thick health and safety file). We even a have health and safety inspector, and lastly we have an ‘incident and accident and every time someone coughs’ book, which due to latest reviews must include daily written accounts of ‘potential dangers’ as well as actual incidents.

Here is where I admit my downfalls as a manager. After the 36th day of arriving at work to write about the ‘danger of the step’ before I did anything else, I’m afraid the book was slung to one side as never used again. That is until Gloria joined all of our other customers and promptly fell down the step and broke her wrist. I think this got a mention.

The step. This, to our shop, is like a man-trap placed right across the centre of the room. It catches at least one person a day. And to think our ancestors had to invent such things as gin-traps.

Our customers fall up, or down it constantly. We have a large ‘please mind the step’ sign, yellow and black tape, flashing hazard warning lights and crash barriers guiding people to the danger. We even put up a fold away ramp, but people would fly off the side of this one backwards, usually landing on across the counter, and this proved much more hazardous than the original straight up or down ‘step’ fall.

One woman even tried to pursue legal action against us, a charity which helps people with debilitating disabilities.

After completing an incident booklet especially for the step, I managed to persuade the inspector at our recent health and safety visit to provide funding for a permanent slope. After announcing the good news to one of our struggling customers, I was greeted with an earful on how slopes are ok for ‘you young and fit’ but have I ever ‘put your back out launching yourself onto a slope that you didn’t know was there’. I can’t win.

July 2nd 2010

When I applied for the job as manager of a charity shop, I imagined tea, biscuits, looking after the elderly and standing behind the till with a change pot under the counter repeating, ‘That’s 10p dear’ all day long.

I was in for a shock. The elderly are demanding. They demand tea, coffee, and biscuits constantly, and it is my duty, as shop manager to provide. No sooner as I spend out of coffee, the loo roll runs out. I am putting on a jolly smile while fretting about how to keep expenses under a reasonable maximum.

The customers are demanding. They simply can’t understand why you do not have what they want. You try to explain to them that you are a charity shop, and that you can only stock what comes in, but they continue to dodge you as they try to take a peep into the hidden wonders of the ‘backroom’, convinced that you are hiding something from them.

We have some wonderful, and valued, regular customers. I would like to take the opportunity to thank them. However I must point out, that as much as we like to work for charity, we do not stay all night. I see so many customers waiting longingly outside the door first thing, waiting to see the new stock, which we put out over night while we dress as nocturnal animals.

I must admit that there is a certain allure to the mystery of the ‘backroom’. Whenever I have been a customer myself, I have often caught a glimpse of some wonderful article, which is not yet on sale. But I can assure everyone that this is simply not the case. When you pick out that fabulous fabric from the rail, it is probably some hideous costume outfit that has not even been used in stage performances since the turn of the last century.

The remaining articles most likely consist of wedding dresses, with half of the bride’s dinner down the front where they couldn’t afford the dry cleaning as they had already spent their entire life savings prior to the wedding, or any other article that has yet to sell on the shop floor, hence not allowing room for fill ups.

Where we get our stock from is of no question. People kindly wash and launder their unwanted clothes, then kindly bring them into us or leave them out for our bag collector. I can remember one couple parking their car outside and literally scooping out armfuls of screwed up items. They nearly dumped them on the serving counter, before I urgently redirected them to the wonders of the ’backroom’. Lucky them. They threw each armful down on to the sorting table, absent of even one black bag, before admitting, ‘We were going to take it to the dump but of course it’s closed today isn’t it’.

Some of the bags we collect from our bag drop are so poor that it often makes me wonder if they put out the wrong bag. I feel sorry as imagine all the worn-once Monsoon dresses going into landfill. Either that or there are some people who do indeed find uses for empty yogurt pots. Perhaps they think we are so desperate that we may appreciate the teaspoonful that is yet to scrape out if we so tried.

I opened a bag recently that contained a canvass shopping bag bearing the images of cats, with quotes underneath each picture. I thought to myself, ‘Oh no, this one’s a cat-lover…’ One quote, apparently by Ellen Perry Berkley read, ‘What every cat owner knows is that no one owns a cat’

What every cat owner doesn’t know is that they stink of cat. I picked out the best from the bag, stood back and sprayed from a safe distance. Thank you Fabreeze.

Cat people are particularly peculiar. We had a lady who came in a while back, and I served her while I was on my own, ears half alert to her mumbling life story. She started to tell me why she had not been in to buy her skirt first thing this morning as she had to get to Sainsbury’s as they had a wonderful offer on the cat food. Now, I could have sworn to God that she said that it was ‘lovely in sandwiches’.

My ears pricked at this bizarre statement and I started to wonder if I was going quite off my rocker. I said, ‘Really?’ and she replied, ‘No, no it is’. This alone was not quite enough to confirm whether or not it was her or me that was completely barking. Or should I say mewing. So I asked her, ‘Do you have cats do you?’

‘Yes’ she said, ‘I have 9 cats’. Yep. It is definitely her.

We’ve a wonderful old lady called Gloria who works very hard indeed for us. There’s only one problem, well a couple of problems actually, the first being her lack of fashion expertise. She holds up a pre-faded ‘Fat Face’ hoodie and wrinkles up her nose in disgust. I over-hear her muttering, ‘such a shame’ as I catch a glimpse of the £85.00 price tag as she lobs it in the rag bag. I also caught her with a Topshop sequined vest top which I only noticed because I’m sure I’d only seen it in Topshop a few days earlier. She mumbled, ‘old fashioned’ to herself as this invariably was thrown to the same fate.

Her second habit becomes apparent as we have strict guidelines on what we are and are not allowed to legally sell in our shop due to health and safety. Talking about health and safety, no, I’ll go onto that later. Gloria can’t bear to throw the little cuddly toys away that do not bear the relevant CE label. (Or should that be that she can’t bear to thrown away the bears that do not bear the relevant CE label.) She hugs them close to her heart and rubs her nose in their nylon fur. I often hear her say, ‘Oh but looook, how could you’. I go for a good hunt around at the end of the day and find them stashed in all sorts of unlikely places. When I’m tidying by myself after dark in the depths of the winter months, the little glassy eyed monsters leap out at me from under the kitchen sink.

We have another dear lady called Betty, and watching the two of them together is really quite charming and amusing. The fashion for uneven hem lines on baggy vest tops baffled Betty completely. She said, ‘Oh my word, this looks ever so tatty and out of shape.’ She held up the hem and exclaimed, ‘what on earth has happed? Got caught in the wash I imagine’.

The winning bag so far has to be the sex-o-mania bag. This one opened up to reveal a pair of nipple clamps, four explicit videos, lots of saucy undies and two rampant rabbits. Gloria started out of habit, to rummage around for her little battery box that she keeps under the table, before I stopped her and reminded her that it was irrelevant whether they worked or not, we were not putting them out.

I have become accustomed slowly to nearly all things second hand, but there are some things that I draw the line at. Vibrators being one of them. Knickers being another. I also bear a slight suspicion towards towels, toothbrushes and mattresses.

You’ll be amazed at what people buy however. When I had to serve a young couple the ‘Make you sex life work for you’ book, which incidentally came from the same bag, I’m not sure who it was more embarrassing for. When they asked for a bag I told them that it was charity policy not to supply bags and I was afraid that they would have to just walk down the street carrying it. It’s good to have a laugh sometimes. You can’t have a job where you cannot laugh.

Benemisfit

Want a job at Benefit? I’ll tell you how…

My audition for maternity cover counter manager at Benefit was an enlightening experience. It’s not for the faint-hearted. If you think all that is required is pushiness, a loud mouth and a half-way decent appearance, you’re wrong. It’s a sharp memory, a careful strategy and large dose of luck. And a bit of stupidity, desperation and womany-ness – if you get my drift – wouldn’t go a miss.

I actually arrived late; of course I pretended that I’d been wandering around the department store looking for them, this was because I was actually busy taking phone calls, serving customers, interviewing candidates, writing rotas with my left foot and piercing ears at my current store.

First of all – once I had been retrieved – we sat in a grimy board room with some cosmetics neatly laid in front of us and each a pot of brushes. Before us sat Big Wig; no guessing that she’s the area manager due to her grating, high-pitched voice where the words kind of drivel on a bit at the ends, and the ‘S’s pierce the air.  Accompanying her is Little Wig, which is current acting manager while Original Wig (whose position is being temporarily filled) is off popping out no doubt another irritating, high-pitched human with no brain cells.

We are subjected to at least 30 minutes of her voice, while she tells us all about Benefit. I can’t really tell you anything because I was too busy wondering what the heck I’d done, so you’ll have to look that bit up.

She then asks us, in a circle, to tell our name to the group, and a little bit about our love-affair with Benefit. Thankfully I have actually tried Benefit cosmetics; they are all rubbish, so I had to make something up quickly. Luckily, I had plenty of time to do this, because when the candidate before me finished her speech, Big Wig forgot what we were doing and got hooked onto the sound of her voice again for a further 20 minutes. When Little Wig eventually nudged her and informed her of her oversight – which I had been tempted to do myself if it wasn’t for the fact that I’d decided she must have rejected me already – I had my turn.

I told the group that ‘You Rebel’ tinted moisturiser was my favourite product. It was the only one I could remember. It was difficult I’ll admit, to shy away from saying, “I love the way it’s like smearing mud on my face and I enjoy the fun game of trying to spread it evenly before it begins to look like poo”.

After this, Big Wig and Little Wig did an impression of how to ‘traffic stop’ 80 year old ladies who came in to buy nylons (which we call tights these days) and apply this cack to their faces. There is a specific order in which you have to say the ‘Benefit Spiel’, you must not stray from this, because if you do, it will damage the brand image irreparably and lose every sale ever to possibly happen after that moment. The most difficult part was remembering in which order to apply these eye liners and one-liners.

Then we had to pair up with another anxious-looking stranger we were competing against for the job and role play with each other for about 15 minutes.

As it approached lunchtime, Big Wig sat eating her potted couscous, flap-jack and banana re-applying her Chanel make-up from a gold-coloured compact, whilst you could hear the faint rumbling of stomachs from the line of desperate conscripts. Our task was to practice applying make-up to each other. Not easy when it’s like trying to spread Artex onto cracked concrete then paint it before it’s dry.

Once we’d survived this we are allowed a quick toilet break. I could tell I was taking too long, by the look I received from Big Wig upon my return; probably because I tried to squeeze out of the window but was caught. “Quick, get your kit and go” she whined.

So I scooped my items up and blundered onto the shop floor and began laying them out on the counter. Of course, I was the last one there, so rushing to set up, in my usual style. I kept getting muddled and ended up dropping things, the worst being the glass bottle of ‘Benetint’ lip stain, which promptly smashed on the white floor beneath Little Wigs feet. “You just set up” she snapped while grabbing tissues and scrubbing manically like some kind of possessed wombat as I stood over her staring in disbelief, unsure of quite what to do with myself. “It’s just the worst product to break” she hissed as it began spreading violently and staining the pale ceramic tiles. For the absence of a better thing to say I announced “Well that was a good start” as I felt the steam rise from her head.

Once set up, it was time to begin the prowl in search of prey. I was told that I could ‘traffic stop’ anywhere, and was advised to stand in the street and run after people and drag them in by the collar. The worst part of this is that there are five others, also hunting for an old deer to catch and drag into their pink lair.

I found myself lamely following after them; chin up and hands limp by my sides, repeating my lines: “Have you ever of B…” “Come with me I’ll show you… “It’ll only take a few…”

One smart lady replied to my opening question, ‘have you ever heard of Benefit?’ with a quick witted, ‘Yes. Two minutes ago’ whilst speeding up. I have to say I’ve fixed a number of pensioner’s mobility problems. It’s amazing how fast the old biddies on Zimmer frames can run when a long-legged bimbo in stilettoes is chasing after them with a stick of blue lippy.

I could feel Big Wigs eyes on me throughout the process; occasionally I made eye contact with her as she rustled her scoring sheet. I knew mine was ‘zero. Zero. Zero…’ I just grinned at her, battling with my conscience repeating ‘You are not a quitter, you are not a quitter’ while every bone in my body was trying to pull me towards her to say “I’m off, I’ve got a ton of socks to pair”.

But, perseverance paid off. Eventually I managed to get one poor soul in the hot seat. It was a bit of a squeeze, as all the other girls already had their seats filled and were perfectly reciting the Benefit Spiel while elbowing me in the ribs as they picked their weapons in an exaggerated manner like they were doing it for a pantomime.

This first lady told me she was killing time for the bus and proceeded to tell me all about her time living in Germany during the war, not taking a blind bit of notice of the products I was trying to explain to her for Big Wig’s benefit, in you’ll pardon the pun.

The second lady I managed to catch was very patient. I sat her down in front of Big Wig. You are meant to say, “My name’s Belinda what’s your name? … And how old are you? And which school do you go to?” but in my blind fluster I forgot. She put up with me as I fumbled around and dropped the sticky lid in her handbag. I can’t remember what the product was called, it was a play on words and I kept pronouncing it wrong. It was something like ‘Pore-fessional’ and I kept calling it ‘festering pores’. To my utter astonishment, she picked a few to buy, explaining that she “felt sorry for me”. She also explained that although the mascara was good, she’d just bought one from Clinique. Trying not to be too pushy to this kind lady who I thought had just saved my skin, I said “Maybe leave the mascara then you don’t want to go too mad, this stuff costs a fortune” and looked up to discover to my horror I was being hawk-eyed by Big Wig. I immediately tried to back pedal, “oh, well I suppose it’s always good to have a spare…”

The lovely lady then bundled up four of my testers and took them off to the counter, while I breathed a sigh of relief and proceeded to tidy up. When I had completely finished cleaning I stood there for a moment scratching my head, thinking that something was missing. All the while being inspected by Big Wig, probably in total amazement at my incompetence, the penny then dropped. Suddenly I exclaimed ‘Oh!’ and hopped off after her like a lost lamb bleating “you’ve got my testers..!”

My last young lady was the icing on the cake; a monumental disaster. I managed to get the chatting part right, and had time to discover that she was just on her way to meet a hot date in a swanky new bar in town. Her skin was very fair, but after previous advice from Big Wig, I proceeded to apply the darker shade of ‘You Rebel’ (mud in a tube) to her already perfectly preened face. It was a total catastrophe. It looked like a child had got hold of mum’s oil paints and drawn on the wall paper. It was bright orange, thick, I couldn’t blend it and the brush strokes showed. I brushed and brushed and then accepted defeat and hoped she wouldn’t notice.

But it got worse. I proceeded to apply ‘step two’, the ‘Benetint’ (a fresh one) in two stripes on her face (as advised), then frantically attempted to blend it, and in doing so removed all the orange mud, revealing two very round, glowing white patches on her cheeks. This progressed into a mad panic as I began re-applying, rubbing, blending. I considered every option, including running away, before I eventually resorted to grabbing the nearest wipe labelled ‘Hand Sanitizer’ and began desperately dabbing at her face with it in full view of Big Wig in a frenzied attempt to rectify the mess I had made of this poor girl’s face. All the while I was thinking in my head ‘This is a disaster…’ while Big Wig’s haunting words came back to me: “Remember, you are the expert”…

Mitsubishi aren’t towing the line

Mitsubishi are up to something fishy. And it’s nothing to do with cars.

You might normally associate the Japanese giant with shiny four-wheel-drive vehicles and sponsors of Badminton Horse Trails, but behind the scenes they’re up to something far more sinister.

Mitsubishi have cornered over 40 percent of the world’s Bluefin Tuna market and don’t plan to stop there. They have a plot to wipe the oceans clean of Bluefin – then sell the meat for millions. It’s simple economics- fewer fish in the ocean, more money in their pocket.

As stocks pile up and plans are agreed for expansion, they are currently hoarding over 20,000 tonnes of Bluefin Tuna per year in freezers the size of warehouses.  Kept at minus 40 degrees centigrade, they can safely store the fish for up to 40 years- plenty of time to plunge the species into extinction.

And some say they haven’t got long to wait- studies suggest that our oceans will be almost totally devoid of fish by 2048.

While British retailers refuse to stock the fish, our up-and-coming wealthy Asian counter-parts are falling for it hook line and sinker, paying up to £1.8 million for a chunk of this ghastly rampage.

The legal Bluefin catch is limited to 22,000 tonnes per year but conservationists estimate that the reality is closer to 60,000- three times greater than officials recommend. It is believed that around 60% of Bluefin Tuna catch is illegal.

But let’s not underestimate the scale of the problem: the International Commission for the Conservation of Atlantic Tunas, the body responsible for numbers is also to blame- setting the limit 10,000 tons higher than its own marine scientists recommend. It is no wonder that it’s gained the affectionate nickname: the International Conspiracy to Catch All Tuna.

While they green-wash us with their new atmosphere-saving car, let’s not be fooled that they give a damn. In fact, Mitsubishi Corporation have even won an award for their efforts in painting their businesses green; some of which are the most destructive on Earth.

Mitsubishi claim that they need to stockpile fish for ‘temporary shortages in supply’. Sure, it makes good business sense to stock up for Christmas. But we’re not talking plastic toys here, we’re talking keystone species.

Bluefin Tuna is an endangered as many other critical species such as Rhinos and Tigers- but you don’t see the Japanese tucking into a slab of Panda on a wholesale basis.

Bluefin are a beautiful fish- they are rare in that they are warm-blooded, and can accelerate faster than a Porsche. They are incredible endurance swimmers- they can make it from West Africa to South America in just 60 days.

Atlantic Bluefin Tuna larvae have only a 1 in 40 million chance of reaching adulthood. But the lucky few are amongst the ocean’s top predators- and are the fastest fish in the ocean. But sadly, there is just one thing this spectacle of nature is speeding towards: extinction.